yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
