have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
