Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
