great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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