How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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