broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
