I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
