Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
