Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
