i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
