I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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