just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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