It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
