dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
