I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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