It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
