I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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