she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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