Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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