She said her name was "party"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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