I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
