So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
