When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
