i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize