He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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