went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
