youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
