we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
