Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
