Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
