dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
