Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
he's single and there are thong briefs.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
