i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
