I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
