I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
