First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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