He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
