We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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