I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
