she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
