I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
