Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
