This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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