I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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