Heybabeimwearingurpanties
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
