I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
