There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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