She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
