I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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