you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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