So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
