You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
