fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
