how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Text me some of your sweat
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