You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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