She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
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The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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Everclear isn't food dammit
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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