I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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