Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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