Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
