I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
