yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
