i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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