kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
