I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
