I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
