I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
