You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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