just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
