ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
