Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
